Waking to Pain

To put this in perspective, keep in mind that my back hurts every day.  The last time I had an full day with no pain was sometime back in the winter, so four or five months ago, and that seemed like a miracle to me because it was the first full day with  no pain I'd had in probably over a year.  It has been months since I've slept through the night without the pain waking me at least once during the night.  It's not unusual to have pain so bad it makes me feel nauseous.  It's not unusual to move a certain way and actually cry out because it hurts so much.  That's my normal.

This morning Isaac woke me up about 5:45, insisting he had to pee.  It usually takes me a few minutes to get out of bed in the morning.  I'm stiff and sore when I wake up.  This morning, though, the pain was so bad, I could barely make it out of bed.  I had to pee myself, so I went to the bathroom, and had a terrible time getting up off the toilet.  I decided  not to brush my teeth because it hurt too much to bend over the sink like that.  I took Isaac out, held on to the side of the building while he peed because my back hurt so much I felt like I could barely stand, and came back inside.

I took a pain pill and fed Isaac.  I fed him from the plastic container of food I keep on the kitchen counter for occasions like this.  Most of his food is kept in a big plastic bin on the floor, but I have to bend over to scoop out the food.  Bending over to do that always causes some pain, sometimes more than others, but it's usually bearable.  This morning, there was no way I was going to try to bend over like that.  The food supply on the counter is for times like these.  I measured out his food, and dumped it into the dish on the floor without bending over.  Hopefully he'll eat all the little pieces that bounced out of the dish onto the kitchen floor.

I went back to bed, hoping the pain pill would kick in and I'd feel better when I next woke.  Isaac woke me up two hours later, and unfortunately, I didn't feel any better.  I took him out again, and by the time I got outside, I was in so much pain I was sweating heavily.  Then I threw up a couple times.  That causes my back muscles to spasm horribly.  I made it back upstairs to my apartment, where I considered taking more pain meds but decided against it because of the nausea.  I went back to bed.

Two hours later, I got up again.  I was finally able to bend over the sink to brush my teeth.  I guess that's progress.  I got out the heating pad, which usually helps but I have to bend over to plug it in, which is extremely difficult when I'm in this much pain.  I'm sitting on the heating pad now, though, and it feels a little better.

I have stuff I need to do today.  I have an appointment with  my psychiatrist later, which I really, really need to keep.  I have to drive 45 minutes to get there, then get out of the car (which is really difficult and really painful when my back is this bad), then I'll sit in the waiting room and have to get up out of that chair to walk back to his office, then sit in another chair, which I'll have to get out of a few minutes later, then drive 45 minutes back home.  I know that doesn't sound that strenuous but I'm dreading it.  I was planning to take a shower before my appointment, but I'm not sure I can stand up that long.  I had a couple errands I needed to run before my appointment, too, but right now I'm thinking I'm not getting in and out of the car anymore than I have to.

Right now I'm dreading having to get up again to take Isaac out.  I wish there was someone I could ask to take him out for me.  The dog walker is coming at 4:30 to take him for a run, but he'll need to go out before then.