Hospitalization (Part I)

I've mentioned a couple times the fact that I was briefly hospitalized in November of last year, but I haven't written too much about it.  I wasn't sure how much I wanted to share, and I was also feeling very emotional about it and wasn't ready to get into those feelings yet.  Now, I think I am ready to write about it.  Actually, I think it might be helpful to do so.  I'll see how it goes.

It was the day after Thanksgiving.  I'd actually had a nice Thanksgiving.  I was home alone, just me and Isaac and the cats.  Mike had dinner with his family and I made myself a nice dinner and then took Isaac for a long walk.  I was feeling pretty good.

But the day after Thanksgiving, I got an email from my mother.  I feel unsure of how much to explain about this, because I want to respect the privacy of other people but I want to be able to speak my truth, too.  The bottom line is that my mother and my sister both got angry at me because I mentioned something publicly about being abused as a child.  Apparently in my family, it's not such a bad thing to abuse a child, but it's really not acceptable for someone that was abused to talk about it.  So my mother send me this email in which she said, among other things, that she did not believe I was telling the truth about the abuse.

Now, my  mother has gone back and forth over the years about this.  For a while she insisted I was lying about it.  Then she told me she believed me but that she hadn't know it was happening at the time.  Now, apparently she has decided she no longer believes me.  As if there would be any reason for me to lie about it.  Like there would be anything for me to gain by lying.  And as if I could fake all my symptoms of PTSD.

So, she sent me this email saying she didn't believe me.  And...I had a sort of break down.  I can't really explain what happened.  It's all sort of foggy now.  It's hard to understand why it had such a severe impact on me.  But it did.  And I ended up injuring myself.

If you've never had to go to an emergency room for a psychiatric issue, especially for a self-inflicted injury, well, let me tell you, it's not like going to the ER for another type of injury or illness.  Some ER doctors and nurses are excellent, compassionate, caring, sensitive, respectful, etc.  But many are not.

You know how doctors sometimes don't want to listen to patients?  Well, they are even less likely to listen when they think you're nuts.  It's like they think having a mental illness means you're stupid.  Like it means you are incapable of making informed decisions.

When you go the ER with a self-inflicted injury, they also often act like they think you are wasting their time.  Like you brought it on yourself, so it's not like you have a real illness or injury.  They would rather be caring for "real" sick people.  Often, they are not very  kind to patients with self-inflicted injuries or those who have attempted suicide.  Sometimes they act like they think they need to "teach the patient a lesson" so the patient won't do it again.

It's not always like that.  I've had positive experiences in emergency rooms before.  But often, it is like that.

Mike and I agreed that I probably needed some stitches, so he drove me to the ER.  I was still sort of out of it, so I didn't think things through like I should have.  But I had a pretty good idea in my mind of what I thought would happen there.  I thought they would have a social worker talk to me, I'd explain that I wasn't going to harm myself anymore and why I did not need to be admitted to the hospital, the social worker would call my psychiatrist who would understand and agree with me, the ER physician would stitch up my arms, and I'd go home.  Looking back on it, I should have at least phoned my psychiatrist myself before leaving for the hospital.  But I didn't.  I didn't think of it at the time.

So I got to the ER and right away things started to go bad.  The nurse wanted me to change into a hospital gown before talking to the social worker.  I could see no reason I needed to wear a gown to talk to a social worker.  I didn't need to be in a gown for the doctor to treat my arms, either.  It was really cold in there and I felt more comfortable with my clothes on.  When I told the nurse this, she became very threatening.  She told me that I could do things the easy way or the hard way and that if I didn't change into the hospital gown myself, she would have me put in restraints and have my clothes removed.  Does that sound like a good thing to do to someone with PTSD?  I complied because I knew that being restrained and undressed like that would be too traumatic for me to deal with.

Stuffed and Frozen Kongs

A dog with a frozen Kong stuffed with peanut butter and pureed pumpkin is a happy, happy dog. And a quiet dog. And a dog that is not trying to eat cat poop out of the litter box. It's a good thing.

 

To make stuffed and frozen Kongs, you need one or more Kongs and something to stuff them with.  I used about three tablespoons of creamy peanut butter and three tablespoons of pureed pumpkin (it's in the grocery store next to the pie filling in the baking aisle).  Mix them in a bowl, then spoon them into the Kong, then stick the Kong in the freezer for at least a couple hours.  Freezing it makes the filling thicker so it takes a lot longer for the dog to lick it out.

Other ideas for filling include:

• Plain yogurt

• Plain yogurt mixed with pureed pumpkin

• Peanut butter mixed with cooked oatmeal

• Peanut butter mixed with doggie kibble

• Peanut butter mixed with a little applesauce

 Someone told me that she puts layers of filling in her Kongs.  For instance, she might put two tablespoons of yogurt mixed with pureed pumpkin in, then freeze it for a couple hours, then put two tablespoons of peanut butter mixed with doggie kibble and freeze that for a couple hours, then top it off with chicken broth and freeze until the broth is solid. 

Now I want to make a bunch of frozen Kongs with different flavors for Isaac.  Unfortunately, he only has one Kong (he had another but somehow lost it) and they are expensive so I am not going to go out and buy a bunch just for this purpose.  I do want to play around with different yummy fillings for him, though.

But I Really Love Dogs!

Today Mike and I stopped at Denny's for a late lunch.  Isaac was with me, of course, and he behaved very well.  Mike had a meatball sub and I guess Isaac thought it smelled really, really delicious because he whimpered very loudly when it was placed on the table.  I corrected him and he stopped, though.

As we were leaving, a waitress asked, "I'm not allowed to pet him, am I?"

I said, "Not while he's working, sorry.  I appreciate you asking, though."

She looked crestfallen and said, "But...I really love dogs!"  Like, since she really loves dogs, I should allow her to pet him even though he's working.

Is Your Dog Going to Wait Outside?

Tonight Mike and I went to a local Mexican restaurant for dinner.  We've been there before with Isaac and I like it because the staff never asks me personal questions like why I have a service dog and they never try to pet him or talk to him.  I'm not sure, but it may be a cultural thing.  Most of the staff is Hispanic. 

Well, tonight we were waiting to be seated and when the hostess came to greet us, she looked at Isaac and looked confused.  I thought maybe she was going to tell me dogs weren't allowed or ask if he was a service dog or something.  But no.  Instead, she asked me if he was going to wait outside.

Now, if my dog was going to wait outside while I went in and ate, why would I have taken him in at all?  I didn't ask her that, though.  I just said, "No, he's going to go under the table."  She looked a bit uncertain but didn't say anything else.  She seated us at a booth in a far corner.

Isaac was very good at the restaurant, by the way.  He stayed under the table, stayed quiet, and people seated near us didn't even realize he was there until we were leaving and they saw him then.

Service Dogs in Training

I am frequently asked by strangers in public places if I am training Isaac.  I think I am asked that because I don't look disabled (whatever that means).  My standard response is, "No, he is already trained."  I thought I would point out some things about service dogs in training, though, which I think many people are not aware of.

• Just because a person doesn't look disabled, that does not mean they are training the service dog they have with them.  Many disabilities are not readily apparent, including seizure disorders, autism and other disorders on the autism spectrum, major depression, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and other anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, dissociative identify disorder and other dissociative disorders, chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, multiple sclerosis, unstable diabetes and hypoglycemia, partial hearing loss, and traumatic brain injury.  I'm sure there are plenty of others that are not coming to mind at the moment.
• Service dogs in training often, though not always, wear vests that say something like, "Service Dog in Training" on them.  Federal law doesn't require service dogs to wear vests and federal law doesn't mention service dogs in training at all, but some state laws may require vests for dogs in training.  Isaac's vest clearly says, "Service Dog," which is an indication that he is fully trained.  A service dog in training would not typically be wearing a vest that says, "Service Dog."  A dog in training would wear a vest that says, 'In Training."
• The federal law that gives people with disabilities the right to take their service dogs into public places with them, the Americans with Disabilities Act, does not address the issue of service dogs in training.  In other words, the ADA says a person with a disability can take a trained service dog to Walmart but does not say anyone can take a service dog in training to Walmart.  Most states have laws that address service dogs in training, though.  Those laws vary from state to state.  In Ohio, where I live, only professional trainers working for programs that train service dogs have the legal right to take service dogs in training into public places.  It would be legal for me to train my own service dog, but the law does not require that Walmart allow me to train my dog there.  For me to take a service dog I was training into Walmart, I would have to ask for and receive permission from the manager.
• While federal law, the Americans with Disabilities Act, applies to people with all disabilities, some state laws regarding service dogs and service dogs in training only apply to people with certain disabilities.  For instance, in Ohio, state law only requires businesses to allow service dogs in training if the dogs are being trained to serve people with visual impairments, hearing impairments, or physical disabilities.  If a professional trainer working for a program that trains service dogs is training a dog to serve someone with, say, PTSD, Walmart does not have to allow her to bring the dog in.
• Service dogs in training are still expected to behave appropriately in public.  Business owners, and other customers, may be more tolerant if they realize a dog is in training.  After all, if his behavior was perfect, he wouldn't need training, would he?  Still, if a service dog in training is bothering other customers or otherwise being disruptive, the trainer can be asked to remove the dog.