The Obligation to be Healthy

Yes, I'm still thinking about this.  The more I think about it, the more troubled I get.

Yesterday there was a discussion on an internet forum about whether or not it is OK to be fat.  Opinions differed but many people said they thought it was OK to be fat IF the fat person was healthy.  That made me ask if people are obligated to be healthy, and one person specifically said, we are obligated to be healthy.  Others seemed to agree with that statement, although they might not have said so in those exact words.  Several people said things along the lines of people need to be able to work and pay their bills and take care of their families so that they are not a burden on society.

I’m troubled by this because I’m not perfectly healthy.  I have some pretty serious health problems, including severe recurrent treatment resistant major depression (how’s that for a diagnosis?) and PTSD.  Most likely, I will have these things forever.  Sometimes I manage them better than others but they aren’t going to go away, no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to be healthy.  And I resent the implication that this means I am not OK.

Now, some people posted things like it’s OK if someone is not healthy as long as they are trying to get healthy.  But who gets to decide if I am trying hard enough to get better or not?  What if there are treatments I’ve decided not to try because they are too expensive and I can’t afford them (don’t want to be a burden on society by making all those healthy people pay my expensive medical bills, you know) or I feel the risk outweighs the possible benefits?  And is it really necessary for me to keep trying to “get better” even though I know the chances of recovery are so small?  Maybe I would prefer to accept myself as I am and learn to live with my conditions.  But some people might think that’s not OK.

Sometimes I am not able to work and pay all my bills.  That’s why I get Social Security and Medicare and sometimes I even get food from the food pantry.  Does that make me a burden on society?  Does society really judge our worth based on the amount of money we can earn and spend?  Unfortunately, I think many people do.  And before someone says oh no Kelly, we didn’t mean you, you aren’t a burden, consider why you might say that.  Maybe you think I am not a burden because you know me.   Maybe I’ve helped you in some way, maybe I’ve given you some helpful advice, maybe I stayed up talking to you on the phone the night before your surgery when you were scared.  Maybe you know I took care of my neighbors’ cat after the man next door was shot in the head and his wife spent weeks at his side in the hospital.  Maybe you know I took in my mentally ill nephew when he got kicked out of yet another foster home and needed a loving home.  Maybe you just think I’m a nice person.  And maybe you think those things mean I’m not a burden after all, even though other unhealthy people are.

But what makes you think all those other nameless unhealthy people you see as burdens aren’t nice people, too?  What makes you think they don’t do helpful things, even if they can’t work, even if they have a lot of medical bills that your tax dollars help to pay?

I know some people will continue to believe people are obligated to be healthy and that it is not OK to be less than healthy, no matter what I say.  I can’t change that.  But I can say that such an attitude is offensive and hurtful to me.

Are We Obligated to Be Healthy?

There is an internet forum for people that have had gastric bypass surgery that I participate on.  Today on that forum there was a lively discussion about whether or not it is OK for people to be fat.  A few people said it is OK for people to be fat.  Some said it's not OK, usually because fat = unhealthy (which isn't necessarily true, by the way).  A number of people said it is OK to be fat if you are healthy.  Apparently, in their minds, it is OK to be fat and healthy, and it is OK to be skinny and unhealthy, but it is not OK to be fat and unhealthy.

Which brings me to the point of this post.  Why is it not OK to be unhealthy?  I mean, I assume most people would prefer to be healthy, if given a choice.  But you know what?  Most of us don't have a choice.  I didn't choose to have major depression and PTSD.  I also did not choose to have a herniated disk in my lower back.  Mike's father, who passed away yesterday, did not choose to have cancer and diabetes and congestive heart failure.  Did we somehow fail to meet some obligation we had to society?

Oh, wait.  I'm of a normal weight now, so perhaps my failure to be healthy is forgivable.  But Mike's father was overweight, so I guess it was not OK for him to have cancer.  Does that make sense to anyone?  Because it sure doesn't to me.

Why the double standard?  Why should fat people have to be healthy while skinny people can be sick?

And who gets to define "healthy" anyway?  According to some people, if you are overweight (meaning your BMI is above 25, which means that many highly trained athletes are overweight), you are automatically unhealthy.  Doesn't matter if your blood pressure is normal, your blood sugar and cholesterol are good, you have no illness of any kind.  Overweight automatically = unhealthy.  Other people understand that BMI is not always a good indicator of health.

But again, who gets to decide who is healthy enough and who is not?  Someone on the forum said that if a person was able to take care of their kids, go to work, and pay their bills, they are healthy enough.  Well, I don't have kids, but guess what?  Sometimes I can't work.  That's why I am on Social Security disability.  Sometimes I have trouble paying my bills.  So I guess I am unhealthy and therefore not OK.

Someone else mentioned that unhealthy people are a burden to society and that's why we all have an obligation to be healthy.  So I'm a burden?  A burden, and a failure, since I'm not healthy enough to work and pay all my bills.

Well, at least I'm not fat.

In Memory of Stan Andrews

Mike's dad passed away earlier today.  When I saw him five days ago,  he told me in no uncertain terms that he was ready to go.  I'm not sure those of us that have been left behind were ready, but since he's the one making the journey, I guess it's up to us to adjust to his timetable.

So go with God and walk in beauty, and we'll see you later when we all catch up to you.

And this song's for you.

What Questions Can Business Owners Ask People with Service Dogs?

If someone tries to come into your business with a dog, how do you know if it's really a service dog?  What can you ask the person with the dog to make sure it's really a service dog?

These are actually two different questions, but we'll start with what you're allowed to ask.  There are two questions business owners and employees can ask people that come into their businesses with dogs.

1.  Is that a service dog?

2.  What tasks is the dog trained to do?

That's it.  You cannot ask why a person needs a service dog or what their disability is.  You cannot ask them if the dog is certified as a service dog or require them to show a certificate or other paperwork (that's because there is no official certification for service dogs, and because anyone can buy a certificate for their dog on the internet even if they aren't disabled and their dog has no training whatsoever, so showing you a certificate of some kind would be completely meaningless).  You cannot require that they have their dog demonstrate the tasks it can perform for them.

Asking anything other than those two questions above is a violation of a person's rights under the Americans with Disability Act.  If you or your employees violate the ADA, you may find your business faced with hefty fines.

Now, what if a person says yes, their dog is a service dog and that the dog is trained to perform some task for them, but the dog is not behaving like a service dog?  What if, for instance, it barks and growls at other customers, pees on your floor, licks groceries on the shelves, or otherwise behaves in an inappropriate and disruptive manner?

Then you can ask the person to remove the dog from your business.  Even if it is a real service dog, business owners do not have to allow service dogs that are disruptive.  A person with a service dog must have their dog under control in order to be protected under the ADA and allowed to take their dog into businesses where pets are typically not allowed.

If you must ask a person to remove their service dog from your business because the dog would not stop  barking or the dog peed on your floor or something like that, you must still allow the person with a disability to shop in your store.  However, the person will have to do so without their dog.  If there is a way you can facilitate this, then do so.  For instance, if the person was ordering a meal in your restaurant, offer to package the food to go and to bring it outside to the person when it's ready so that they can take their dog outside to wait but still receive their meal.

It's good to be reasonable when deciding whether or not to ask a person to remove their dog.  For instance, even a very well-trained dog could be ill and that could cause the dog to have an accident indoors even if he is housebroken.  If that happens, though, the handler should clean up the mess immediately and then leave with the dog.  Even a very well-trained dog might yelp if someone steps on his tail, but he should not bark repeatedly and should stop barking when directed by his handler.

Things I Can't Do

I was supposed to go to a meditation class this evening.  I should be on my way home from the class right now.

But I didn't go.  I was really looking forward to it.  I signed up for it several weeks ago.  At the time I signed up for it, I was feeling pretty good.

Then I had that big anxiety attack at the library last Thursday.  Saturday, I had another anxiety attack at home.  Sunday I just felt crappy.  I cried a lot.

There was no way I was going anywhere today, especially not to a class in a place I'd never been, with people I didn't know.  There was just no way.

Would I have gone if I had Isaac?  Maybe.  I think I would have felt more comfortable going with my service dog.  But I also think that the anxiety attack at the library would have been much less severe with my service dog, and I bet the weekend would have been better, too.

I might have gone to the class this evening if Mike or someone else had been going with me.  I just didn't feel like I could go by myself.  I hate it when I can't do things by myself because I really want to be independent.  I want to be able to do things and not have to rely on someone else to help me.  I really think Isaac will help me be more independent.