I was supposed to go to a meditation class this evening. I should be on my way home from the class right now.
But I didn't go. I was really looking forward to it. I signed up for it several weeks ago. At the time I signed up for it, I was feeling pretty good.
Then I had that big anxiety attack at the library last Thursday. Saturday, I had another anxiety attack at home. Sunday I just felt crappy. I cried a lot.
There was no way I was going anywhere today, especially not to a class in a place I'd never been, with people I didn't know. There was just no way.
Would I have gone if I had Isaac? Maybe. I think I would have felt more comfortable going with my service dog. But I also think that the anxiety attack at the library would have been much less severe with my service dog, and I bet the weekend would have been better, too.
I might have gone to the class this evening if Mike or someone else had been going with me. I just didn't feel like I could go by myself. I hate it when I can't do things by myself because I really want to be independent. I want to be able to do things and not have to rely on someone else to help me. I really think Isaac will help me be more independent.
I'm sorry to hear this, Kelly. That really sucks and I'm sure once you get a service cog you will be more independent. I am so ignorant about what it's like to have an anxiety attack. I'm reading a library book called Until Tuesday that is about a veteran who got a service dog for his PTSD and it's helping me understand the anxiety and panic attacks and how his dog Tuesday helps with this. I hope it won't be long for you to get Isaac so you can be more independent. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI think it's really hard to understand if you haven't experienced it. I was talking to my sister one day and she was saying she just couldn't understand being so depressed you couldn't get out of bed. It's hard for me to imagine not knowing what that feels like. But she gets really terrible migraines sometimes, to the point that she cannot do anything but lie down. And I asked her, what if she had one of those migraines and she knew if she didn't get to work on time she'd get fired? She said well, then I'd lose my job, because I absolutely couldn't do it. And I think we've all had something like that, right? A time when we were in so much pain or were so sick we just couldn't do something, no matter how much we needed to do it.
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