Are you familiar with spoon theory? I'm gonna suggest you read about it here, because she explains it much better than I could. Basically, though, spoons are a unit of energy. When you're disabled, you don't always have as many spoons as you need. You have to choose carefully how to spend them. And you can't always predict how many spoons you'll have on any given day.
Tuesday I got to spend the day with a good friend who lives in another state. She was visiting her sister who lives a couple hours away from me. I hadn't seen her in several years and it was so great to see her again. I had a great time. I didn't even freak out when my car wouldn't start when it was time for me to leave. We jump started it and it ran fine the whole way home. It was a great day.
But apparently it cost a lot of spoons. Wednesday I was exhausted all day. I had some errands to run, including a trip to the post office, a trip to the grocery store, and a visit to the driver's license bureau to renew my license (which actually expired two days ago on my birthday; the reason I didn't renew it Tuesday is because I was with my friend all day). So despite my exhaustion, I headed out to run my errands.
I couldn't find the license bureau. I'd been there before. It was before I had ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) and the ECT caused a lot of memory loss. One of the things I lost was directions. What I mean is, I forgot how to get to a lot of places I had gone to before. I could not remember how to get to the grocery store where I'd been shopping for many years. I could not remember how to get to my doctor's office. And apparently, I also forgot how to get to the license bureau.
But I called the license bureau to find out what documents I needed to bring with me and to make sure they would take a check, and I asked where they were located. And I still could not find them. I drove up and down the street where they are supposed to be and could not find them. I got more and more anxious. I felt stupid. I felt overwhelmed.
I ended up going home without renewing my license. By then, I was completely exhausted. I was out of spoons. That failed trip to the license bureau used up more spoons than I'd expected that errand to use up. I took some medication for anxiety and I took a nap. I was still exhausted. I got very little done the rest of the day.
Actually, in addition to being exhausted, I was feeling very lightheaded and dizzy the rest of the day. Sometimes my blood pressure gets low, especially when I first stand up. It seemed particularly bad last night. I don't know why.
Tuesday was my birthday. I had planned to make myself a birthday cake. Anyone else make themselves birthday cakes? I was going to make a Jello cake - you can see the recipe here, if you're interested. It's yummy. It's my very favorite cake ever.
Monday I went grocery shopping at Meijer, and discovered they do not carry sugar free cake mix. I can't eat regular cake because I can't tolerate that much sugar due to my gastric bypass. So I planned to go to Kroger to get sugar free cake mix because I knew they carry it. But I didn't do that Tuesday because I was with my friend all day. Yesterday I did make it to Kroger before having the melt down when I couldn't find the license bureau, and after my nap I did bake the cake. I didn't finish it, though, because I was so exhausted and so dizzy every time I stood up. So I'm finishing my cake today. So what if it's two days late? It's cake. It's good.
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