In Another Time

I'm watching this show that is set back in the early 60's and it's depicting these horrible images of ECT and transorbital lobotomies and I am thinking how lucky I am, if I must have a mental illness, to live today, not 60 years ago. ECT is still used today, but it's done in a much more humane way.  I've had ECT.  Not sure I'd recommend it, I wouldn't do it again myself, but it's not like you see in the movies. And transorbital lobotomies, fortunately, have not been done in a very long time. It's scary to think of where I might be and what might have happened if I'd simply had the misfortune to be me in another time.

Happy Samhain!

Samhain, if you don't know, is a pagan holiday that falls on October 31.  It's pronounced "sow-en," not "sam-hane."  It's a time to celebrate our ancestors, sort of the like Day of the Dead celebrated in Mexico.  It's a time when the veil between the living and the dead, between this world and the Otherworld, is said to thin.  It's a time to converse with the dead.  It's also a time to celebrate the darkness, which isn't evil but is primal, fertile, like the womb.

I am doing some housecleaning this morning, then I am going to bake pumpkin cranberry bread, roast pumpkin seeds and make Isaac some pumpkin peanut butter treats.  Later, I will talk to the dead, to my grandparents, to Mike's dad, to a friend of mine that died nearly 20 years ago.  I will put Cayenne's ashes in the little cloth bag I sewed for her and put that into the urn with the ashes of her kitty friend Eileen that died eight years ago.  I will talk to Cayenne and Eileen.  After that, I will deliver some pumpkin peanut butter treats to two of my neighbors that have dogs (Isaac is going to have to share) and leave an offering of pumpkin cranberry bread outside under a pine tree.

Hope everyone has a wonderful Samhain!

Sometimes It's Hard to Wait

When I take Isaac to the park to run, I've been doing something new with him just recently.  He has to sit while I take off his leash and wait for the OK from me to take off running.  This is completely doable for him.  He has to wait like that for permission to start eating when I feed him.  But this is new for him and while he is happy to sit when told, it's hard to wait when he really really really wants to run.

A couple days ago was the first time I did this with him at the park and it was so funny.  I have a hand signal I use with Isaac that means stay.  I hold my hand up, palm out, like I am saying "stop."  So I had my hand about three inches in front of his nose and told him "stay" and took off his leash.

Well, he started to take off running.  And plowed right into my hand.  And came to a stop because how could he keep running with my hand smashed against his nose?  And he looked up at me like, "What the _______?"  He just seemed surprised and confused that my hand was in his way.

It was hilarious.

At Least There is a Little Good News

The dentist said my bridge absolutely should not have cracked and that the company that makes it should pay for a replacement. 

He just kept looking at my mouth and shaking his head.  It's never good when a medical professional does that.

He thinks the root of the loose tooth, the one with the crown, is probably fractured.  It is going to have to be pulled.  Which is bad news. 

But he thinks the company that made the bridge should pay for all related costs of repairing my mouth, so they should pay to pull that tooth and to make a bigger bridge, not just to make a duplicate of the one that has cracked.  He said he needs to call the company and talk to a supervisor and they are on the west coast so he couldn't do that while I was at his office, but he said his office would be calling me in a day or two to schedule stuff once he gets the OK from the bridge company.

I feel very relieved that I am not going to have to pay for all of this.  That at least makes it easier to deal with.

More Dental Problems

And I am having more dental problems.  Or continuing dental problems, I guess.

My gum never returned to normal, although it finally did get kind of close to normal.  It took forever to heal from the biopsy and remains slightly sore and swollen to this day.  I think that biopsy was, what, three months ago?

Well, there were two teeth, one with a crown on it that is attached to my bridge, and the one next to it, that were somewhat loose.  And the one without a crown is now barely loose.  It seems to have improved.  But the one with a crown? 

Well, early this morning, my bridge cracked.  I think it cracked because the tooth attached to it has been wiggly for so many months.  I think that created stress on the bridge and it finally cracked.

And now the tooth with a crown on it is super, super loose.  Like it feels like it could just fall out.  Not just the crown falling off, but the whole tooth falling out.

So I have to go to the dentist tomorrow.  I am not looking forward to it.  I'm afraid I'm going to be told I need a new bridge, which of course I cannot afford.  I'm afraid they are still not going to be able to figure out what's causing the problem with my gum.  I've pretty much given up on getting an answer to that.  But that means they don't know how to treat it, either.  I'm afraid they're going to do something that hurts.  It hurts now.  I'm afraid they're going to tell me the tooth needs to be pulled and I'm afraid that will be expensive and that I won't be able to get anyone to go with me so I won't be able to be sedated for it even though the oral surgeon recommended I be sedated and I'm afraid it will hurt.  I'm afraid I won't be able to get pain medication if I need it.

I'm trying not to be afraid tonight.  I don't need to worry about it tonight.  There's nothing I can do about it tonight and I don't need to worry about it until tomorrow.  But I'm anxious.  And I am so tired of dental problems.