Feeling Very Discouraged

A local church had told me they would donate $1,000 toward the cost of my service dog.  I was elated to hear the news.  They requested documentation from my physician proving I am disabled and in need of a service dog, which seemed very reasonable to me.  So I got that and sent it to them.

Today I learned that they will only provide the $1,000 after I've raised the other $5,000.  Now, I know they are still offering to help and it's not like they owe me anything, they are doing me a huge favor by offering to help at all.  But I feel like I am almost back at square one because now I don't have $1,000 that I thought I had.  And it suddenly feels like it's going to be impossible to raise the money.

Also, I feel like the church told me one thing and then changed their mind.  When they requested the documentation from my physician, my understanding was that they would donate the money after they received the documentation.  They did not say that if they received the documentation, then they would donate the money after I'd raise the other $5,000.  So I feel like they are not doing what they said they would do.

And again, I realize they don't have to give me any money.  I realize they are doing me a favor and I'm supposed to be grateful.  I am grateful, really, although I realize I don't sound like it right now.

But now I don't know if I can really trust them to come through with the money at all.

Also, I understand how expensive it is to raise and train a service dog.  Most programs that train and place service dogs rely on donations for a large portion of the cost, but most also ask recipients to cover some of the cost because they simply don't receive enough donations to cover everything.  It costs at least $20,000 to raise and train a service dog, so if I only have to pay $6,000 of that, that's a bargain.  These dogs undergo an extensive and expensive medical evaluation.  They are socialized, then trained on a daily basis for about 18 months.  The trainer works with them every single day.  They are fed good food, they get all the routine veterinary care like vaccines and heart worm prevention, they have treadmills so they can exercise when the weather is too poor to exercise outdoors.  Seriously, these dogs have a good life!  But all this good stuff is expensive.

But $6,000 is almost six months income for me.  How many people could afford to pay six months worth of income for something, even if it was a good bargain and something they really needed?

And I have severe, disabling depression.  If I didn't, I wouldn't be on disability and I wouldn't need a service dog.  Well, severe, disabling depression makes it difficult to do all the things I need to do in order to try to raise this money.  Many days, it's all I can do to take a shower, feed myself, feed the cats, take my medication, and maybe do a few dishes or a load of laundry.  I'm sure all the fundraising stuff would not seem so daunting to someone that was not severely depressed.  For someone that is depressed, though, I think it's the equivalent of telling someone with a broken leg that if they can just walk ten miles uphill to the hospital, they can get a cast on their leg and some crutches.  Sure, the person with the broken leg needs medical care and crutches.  But are they really in any shape to hike to the hospital?  Would anyone really expect them to do that?