Medications for Anxiety and Depression

I've been treated for depression, anxiety, PTSD, and related issues for many, many years.  I was 17 years old when I was first prescribed medication for psychiatric problems.  Over the past 23 years, I've been on more than 30 different drugs, in various doses and combinations.

I have taken:

Ellavil
Vivactil
Pamelor
Prozac
Paxil
Doxepin
Visteril
Xanax
Ativan
Klonopin
Nortryptiline
Abilify
Depakote
Trazadone
Zyprexa
Zoloft
Effexor
Provigil
Lamictal
Lithium
Mellaril
Buspar
Lexapro
Ambien
Remeron
Restoril
Geodon
Serequel
Wellbutrin
Thorazine
Cymbalta
Inderal

And there may be a few I am forgetting.


It was not easy to put this list together.  It's hard to remember medications I took 20 years ago when I was lost in a grey fog of depression and despair.

When I look at this list, sometimes I feel amazed at all I've come through, but mostly I just feel sad.  I remember some of the horrible side effects I experienced due to some of these drugs, and I am aware that some of them are very rarely used these days due to the severity of side effects and concerns about safety, and I think about what all this "treatment" has done to my body, never mind my soul.

I still take medication for depression and anxiety today.  Today I am on Effexor, an antidepressant, and Buspar, which is for both anxiety and depression.  I take Doxepin for sleep, although I rarely take it because I don't like the hungover feeling it leaves me with in the morning.  I also take Visteril as needed for anxiety attacks, usually two or three times a week.  The side effects from my current medications are minimal.  My mouth is very dry and I am thirsty all the time.  I get dizzy sometimes if I stand up too fast.  I'm tired in the morning if I take the Doxepin at night.  Those are all things I can live with, though.

If all these drugs fixed my depression, maybe I'd feel differently.  As it is, the current medications make it barely tolerable.  And this is as good as it seems it's going to get with meds.

I don't think a service dog is a substitute for medication.  I'll still be on meds after I get my dog.  In fact, one of the tasks my dog will do for me is to bring me my Visteril when I have an anxiety attack.  But there are things a service dog can do that medication can't, and I'm really looking forward to that.