The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

That was my day yesterday.

Now, I have to say, I've had worse days in the past.  If this was as bad as it ever got, well, I'd be doing OK.

But it was still a bad day.  The worst I've had in a while.

It started at 6:00 am, when Isaac woke me, wanting to go out to pee.

It had turned cold overnight and my fibro had kicked up a few notches.  It was not the most fibro pain I'd ever felt, not even close.  But it was more than I've felt in quite a while.  If the worst ever is a 10, and last winter I was frequently at an 8 or 9, well, yesterday was maybe a 6.  But for most of the summer, it's been maybe a 2 at most.  So it was a bit of a shock.

The bottom of my left foot hurt, a lot.  How weird is that?  Other places hurt, too, but especially the bottom of my left foot.  Fibro is like that.  Hurts in weird places.

Isaac and I were supposed to go to the nursing home and then this guy I've been seeing for a little while was supposed to come over.  I thought about cancelling everything.  Staying home instead.  But I wanted to go to the nursing home and I wanted the guy to come over.  So I pushed myself to get up.  I took a long hot bath, which always helps.

And Isaac and I went to the nursing home.  It was a good visit.

I was feeling a little anxious.  I thought it was because of the fibro.  I took some anxiety meds and tried to ignore it.

The guy I've been seeing came over.  We were, let's say, making out a bit.  And something got triggered.  I had a flashback.  This has happened to me before but not in a long, long time.  I'd figured it could still happen again some time but I guess I was hoping it wouldn't.

I wanted to be alone.  I told the guy to leave.  I took a double dose of my anxiety meds and went to sleep.  And I slept off and on the rest of the day, and all night, only waking up to take Isaac out and sometimes to eat something.

I finally pulled myself out of bed this morning.  I took a hot bath and went to the grocery store to pick up a few things and now I'm trying to finish an article I meant to finish yesterday but ended up not even working on at all.

I'm disappointed it was such a bad day yesterday.  I'm kind of pissed about the flashback.  Not at myself and not at the guy, just at the circumstances.  At the same time, I feel I'm handling it pretty well, as well as I can, and that has to count for something.

I hope to take Isaac for a long walk later today before I have to go tutor.  He's antsy after being kept inside all day yesterday.  And hopefully today will end up being a better day.