I woke up this morning with a really sore throat. I hate being sick. It always triggers a lot of my PTSD stuff.
I'm frustrated because I have stuff I need to do today. Like go to Meijer, without Isaac, to buy the stuff I was not able to buy yesterday. And the store will be crowded and there is no way I can handle that when I am sick on top of everything else. I'm tired and I just want to sleep.
Also... kitty litter is heavy. Even the smallest container you can buy. I have to figure out a way to get it home and into my apartment. Hopefully without killing my back.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Anxiety and a Bad Shopping Trip
Today I needed to go to Meijer to pick up a few things. I normally do not shop on weekends, especially not at big stores like Meijer or Walmart, because they are just too crowded and it makes me to anxious. I plan very carefully so that I can avoid shopping on weekends. I make sure I pick up anything I'll need for the weekend by Friday morning at the latest. If I do need something on the weekend, I go to the little Kroger in my small town on Saturday or Sunday evening or occasionally bright and early on Sunday morning, and it's not too crowded there at those times. But I plan very carefully to make sure I won't need to shop on the weekend.
Well, my cat Cayenne has been staying with Mike since I moved out because she likes to sit outside on the porch in the summer and I can't let her outside here at my new apartment (which isn't really so new anymore, but whatever). But today I learned that Mike is going to be moving in with his mother, at least for a while, because she is having some health problems and can't be alone right now. I didn't want Cayenne to go to his mom's with him, partly because she will be stressed out by moving and I don't want to stress her out by moving there and then again later by moving to my apartment, and partly because she pees outside of the litter box often and I don't want her to pee all over Mike's mom's house. So I was going to pick her up tomorrow and bring her to my place.
But that meant I had to go to Meijer today to get some supplies. I need cat food. I need a litter box and kitty litter. I would have shopped for those things a day or two ago, but Mike didn't inform me until this afternoon that this was happening and it was happening today. So I had no time to plan. I had to go to the store today.
So I went. It was horribly crowded. I had a really hard time finding some of the things I needed. I think there were eight things on my shopping list, and it should not be that difficult to pick up eight items and pay for them, but by the time I found everything, I was exhausted and on edge.
There were only a few registers open and there were long lines at all of them. I don't understand why stores don't have more clerks on duty during busy times. If they only plan to have a few clerks working, even when it's really busy, why do they install so many registers? Those registers have to be expensive. There are something like 15 registers at the front of the store and only five are open, one of which is for people with ten items or less. That makes no sense to me.
Isaac and I got in line. And waited. And waited. And then, Isaac barked at this guy that walked past us. He hasn't barked in a store or other public place in several months. The last time was at the thrift store, when he saw another service dog. That was before I moved, so it might have been in March or the beginning of April. And that time, he stopped as soon as I corrected him.
So today, I corrected him, and he stopped. Then the guy walked past again, and Isaac barked again. I don't know what it was about the guy that Isaac was barking about, but the guy didn't do anything inappropriate. Isaac was being totally inappropriate. The poor guy felt bad and apologized to me, and I assured him it was not his fault and apologized to him. I pushed my cart off to the side and started to leave the store, with Isaac in tow. Then I realized I'd left my purse in my cart and had to go back for it. I was horribly embarrassed. Isaac was not barking anymore, but I was still embarrassed and anxious and also angry at him for barking and causing me to have to leave without buying my stuff that had been so difficult for me to gather in the first place.
I got out to the car, where I had a full blown anxiety attack. I took some meds and sat in the car and cried for a long time.
I couldn't leave Isaac in the car while I went back in to finish my shopping, because it's too hot to do that. I thought I should take him home, then go back to the store (it would take me about an hour to drive him home, then drive back there) and finish shopping, but I just couldn't do it. It seemed to hard, too overwhelming. I was mad because it had been so difficult for me to get the things on my list in the first place, and now I had nothing to show for my efforts. I cried for a while, and then I drove home. I took more anxiety meds and lay down on the couch for a while.
Maybe I'll try going back to Meijer late tonight, when it won't be crowded. Without my barking dog, of course. I don't know what I'm going to do about him. I'm upset because while he behaves well most of the time, once in a while he doesn't and it makes me afraid to take him places because I am never sure how he'll act. The program I got him from has not been much help. I think I need to hire a trainer to help me with him, but I can't afford it. I'm still paying his program. I can't afford to pay them plus pay another trainer, and I shouldn't have to pay another trainer, that's what I am paying the program for. I feel like I should be able to get him under control but I don't know how. I don't know how to train a service dog, that's why I wanted a dog from a program.
Well, my cat Cayenne has been staying with Mike since I moved out because she likes to sit outside on the porch in the summer and I can't let her outside here at my new apartment (which isn't really so new anymore, but whatever). But today I learned that Mike is going to be moving in with his mother, at least for a while, because she is having some health problems and can't be alone right now. I didn't want Cayenne to go to his mom's with him, partly because she will be stressed out by moving and I don't want to stress her out by moving there and then again later by moving to my apartment, and partly because she pees outside of the litter box often and I don't want her to pee all over Mike's mom's house. So I was going to pick her up tomorrow and bring her to my place.
But that meant I had to go to Meijer today to get some supplies. I need cat food. I need a litter box and kitty litter. I would have shopped for those things a day or two ago, but Mike didn't inform me until this afternoon that this was happening and it was happening today. So I had no time to plan. I had to go to the store today.
So I went. It was horribly crowded. I had a really hard time finding some of the things I needed. I think there were eight things on my shopping list, and it should not be that difficult to pick up eight items and pay for them, but by the time I found everything, I was exhausted and on edge.
There were only a few registers open and there were long lines at all of them. I don't understand why stores don't have more clerks on duty during busy times. If they only plan to have a few clerks working, even when it's really busy, why do they install so many registers? Those registers have to be expensive. There are something like 15 registers at the front of the store and only five are open, one of which is for people with ten items or less. That makes no sense to me.
Isaac and I got in line. And waited. And waited. And then, Isaac barked at this guy that walked past us. He hasn't barked in a store or other public place in several months. The last time was at the thrift store, when he saw another service dog. That was before I moved, so it might have been in March or the beginning of April. And that time, he stopped as soon as I corrected him.
So today, I corrected him, and he stopped. Then the guy walked past again, and Isaac barked again. I don't know what it was about the guy that Isaac was barking about, but the guy didn't do anything inappropriate. Isaac was being totally inappropriate. The poor guy felt bad and apologized to me, and I assured him it was not his fault and apologized to him. I pushed my cart off to the side and started to leave the store, with Isaac in tow. Then I realized I'd left my purse in my cart and had to go back for it. I was horribly embarrassed. Isaac was not barking anymore, but I was still embarrassed and anxious and also angry at him for barking and causing me to have to leave without buying my stuff that had been so difficult for me to gather in the first place.
I got out to the car, where I had a full blown anxiety attack. I took some meds and sat in the car and cried for a long time.
I couldn't leave Isaac in the car while I went back in to finish my shopping, because it's too hot to do that. I thought I should take him home, then go back to the store (it would take me about an hour to drive him home, then drive back there) and finish shopping, but I just couldn't do it. It seemed to hard, too overwhelming. I was mad because it had been so difficult for me to get the things on my list in the first place, and now I had nothing to show for my efforts. I cried for a while, and then I drove home. I took more anxiety meds and lay down on the couch for a while.
Maybe I'll try going back to Meijer late tonight, when it won't be crowded. Without my barking dog, of course. I don't know what I'm going to do about him. I'm upset because while he behaves well most of the time, once in a while he doesn't and it makes me afraid to take him places because I am never sure how he'll act. The program I got him from has not been much help. I think I need to hire a trainer to help me with him, but I can't afford it. I'm still paying his program. I can't afford to pay them plus pay another trainer, and I shouldn't have to pay another trainer, that's what I am paying the program for. I feel like I should be able to get him under control but I don't know how. I don't know how to train a service dog, that's why I wanted a dog from a program.
Fundraising Update
I wrote recently about a fundraising opportunity. A local pastor came to visit me (and Isaac) and said her church is interested in doing some sort of fundraiser for Isaac. Then I forgot to post about the visit.
She seemed very nice and we had a good visit. She told me she is really a cat person, which I understand, because I was very much a cat person before getting Isaac. She tolerated Isaac climbing onto her lap and kissing her, but then I made him get down because I got the feeling she would rather have a cat on her lap than a 75 pound lab. Imagine that. Isaac still believes he is a lap dog.
She said some of the people that would be involved in the fundraiser were on vacation at the time, so she would need to talk with them and get back to me later. But it sounds like they are going to help.
She also asked if I would come to church one day and talk to the kids about service dogs. I said I'd be happy to do that. It will be fun.
She seemed very nice and we had a good visit. She told me she is really a cat person, which I understand, because I was very much a cat person before getting Isaac. She tolerated Isaac climbing onto her lap and kissing her, but then I made him get down because I got the feeling she would rather have a cat on her lap than a 75 pound lab. Imagine that. Isaac still believes he is a lap dog.
She said some of the people that would be involved in the fundraiser were on vacation at the time, so she would need to talk with them and get back to me later. But it sounds like they are going to help.
She also asked if I would come to church one day and talk to the kids about service dogs. I said I'd be happy to do that. It will be fun.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Relaxed Doggie
Does he look relaxed or what?
I love when he sleeps with his hippo. Or his tiger. It's so cute.
Notice how many toys you see in just this picture? Think he's at all spoiled?
Notice how many toys you see in just this picture? Think he's at all spoiled?
Monday, July 29, 2013
Isaac, a.k.a. Casanova
One of my neighbors has started calling Isaac "Casanova." Isaac has a... well, I don't know what to call it. A group of little girls that live down the street that adore him. They are like Isaac groupies. One of them is his friend K, whom I've mentioned before. She is his biggest fan. She loudly proclaims to everyone that "I love this dog!" But there are three other girls, ranging in age from five to seven, that also adore him.
When they see me walking Isaac, they run to greet him. They have begun asking if they can walk him. I let them, but I keep a hand on the leash, too, in case he decides to take off after a deer or something. He is way too strong, there is no way they could hang on to him if he bolted. They are pretty good at taking turns walking him. Most of the time, they are able to decide among themselves whose turn it is and when it is time to let someone else have a turn. Occasionally I have to step in and help with the turn-taking, but most of the time they are able to work it out themselves.
K wanted me to meet her mom tonight. I actually spoke to her mom one day when she and her mom were out walking and I was out walking Isaac, but she wanted me to walk to her house and meet her mom this evening. I'm not quite sure why but I figured it was a good idea. If a nine-year-old kid is hanging around with an adult, the mom should know that adult and I wanted to make sure it was OK with her mom that she was walking with me. One of the other girls in Isaac's fan club is K's sister, and the other two are neighbors. I met one of their moms, too.
I am thinking of asking K's mom if it would be OK with her if K helped me with Isaac sometimes, things like giving him a bath. I have a hard time doing that sometimes because when my back is bothering me a lot, it's hard to bend over the tub to wash him. I bet K would have a blast bathing him, though. I mean, I would be there to supervise, but she could easily bend over and wash him. I think she'd love doing it. And it would be great to have someone to help sometimes.
Isaac loves her, too. He loves all the girls, of course, but I think K is his favorite of all the kids. He gets so excited when he sees her. The reason my neighbor is now calling him Casanova is because this evening Isaac was standing there, surrounded by these four little girls, with one rubbing his ears, and one rubbing his back, and one rubbing his belly, all at the same time, all telling him how pretty he was. He is so spoiled!
When they see me walking Isaac, they run to greet him. They have begun asking if they can walk him. I let them, but I keep a hand on the leash, too, in case he decides to take off after a deer or something. He is way too strong, there is no way they could hang on to him if he bolted. They are pretty good at taking turns walking him. Most of the time, they are able to decide among themselves whose turn it is and when it is time to let someone else have a turn. Occasionally I have to step in and help with the turn-taking, but most of the time they are able to work it out themselves.
K wanted me to meet her mom tonight. I actually spoke to her mom one day when she and her mom were out walking and I was out walking Isaac, but she wanted me to walk to her house and meet her mom this evening. I'm not quite sure why but I figured it was a good idea. If a nine-year-old kid is hanging around with an adult, the mom should know that adult and I wanted to make sure it was OK with her mom that she was walking with me. One of the other girls in Isaac's fan club is K's sister, and the other two are neighbors. I met one of their moms, too.
I am thinking of asking K's mom if it would be OK with her if K helped me with Isaac sometimes, things like giving him a bath. I have a hard time doing that sometimes because when my back is bothering me a lot, it's hard to bend over the tub to wash him. I bet K would have a blast bathing him, though. I mean, I would be there to supervise, but she could easily bend over and wash him. I think she'd love doing it. And it would be great to have someone to help sometimes.
Isaac loves her, too. He loves all the girls, of course, but I think K is his favorite of all the kids. He gets so excited when he sees her. The reason my neighbor is now calling him Casanova is because this evening Isaac was standing there, surrounded by these four little girls, with one rubbing his ears, and one rubbing his back, and one rubbing his belly, all at the same time, all telling him how pretty he was. He is so spoiled!
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