Welcome to Holland

Have you heard the story about the woman who always wanted to go to Italy?

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." 

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Copyright 1987, by Emily Perl Kingsley

This story is about having a child with a serious disability.  But I think it applies to anyone for whom life has not turned out as expected.  Right now, I’m thinking about how it applies to me.

Ten years ago, I left a job that I loved because my depression and PTSD were so severe, I could not function at work.  I applied for disability.  I was not sure what the future held, but I don’t think I believed I would be on disability forever.  I think I expected I would return to work one day.

It hasn’t happened.  Well, I work part time as a freelance writer and have recently started working as a life coach, also on a very part time basis.  But I haven’t gone back to a regular job and I don’t think I ever will.  I have landed in Holland.  And I am stuck there.

Sometimes I enjoy life in Holland.  I like freelance writing.  I like lots of things about my life.  But sometimes I still mourn for all the things I loved about Italy.