Update on my finger
It finally quit bleeding, but it did bleed for more than 12 hours. I was getting really upset, not because it was that painful, although it was kind of painful, and not because I thought I was going to bleed to death, because it was not bleeding that much, but because I felt like I could not get any medical help and because it seemed like no one I talked to about the problem understood. It triggered some of my PTSD stuff, feeling like I was not allowed to get medical help like anyone else would be, because I would be accused of cutting myself on purpose and I might be involuntarily hospitalized. Anyone else could just go to the ER and say, "Hey, I cut my finger while I was chopping an onion," and they would believe that and put a stitch or two in it and that would be that. I feel good that I was able to go ahead and get Cayenne to the vet yesterday, though, and get some other stuff done, even though I was extremely anxious and upset.
Update on Cayenne
Cayenne has two masses on her abdomen, which I knew before she went to the vet. She has had cancer in the past, and twice had similar masses surgically removed. Last summer, she got so sick after having a couple masses removed that I thought she was not going to make it. I missed a free vacation to the beach, as you may recall, because I was afraid to leave her because I was afraid she would die while I was gone.
Well, I have to decide if I want to surgically remove the masses again, or if I want to just let nature take its course. She is almost 14 years old and she is diabetic, although her diabetes is well-controlled with insulin and a special diet right now (and has been for several years, for the most part). If I don't have the masses removed, we are probably looking at a matter of months; if I do have them removed, she could have a "normal lifespan," whatever that means for a cat. According to the vet, most cats live for somewhere between 15 and 20 years, some a little more, some a little less. He can't tell me how much longer Cayenne might live; having the surgery might only be giving her an extra six months, or it might be giving her an extra five years.
I hate having to make these kinds of decisions. The surgery is kind of costly, but I'm trying not to base my decision on money. I want to do what is best for Cayenne. Not what is most affordable for me, not what is easiest on me or makes me feel better, but what is best and kindest and most loving for her. At this point I am leaning toward not doing the surgery and just keeping her comfortable and spoiling her rotten as long as I can. I'm not sure, though.
Update on the doula
You know how she said she would refund half my money? Well, I'm still waiting for it. I emailed her yesterday and asked about it but she hasn't replied yet. I guess getting the refund isn't going to be as easy as it seemed after all. Bummer
I'm glad your finger stopped bleeding. It is not a good idea to avoid medical care and try DIY repairs for major injuries! I'm glad you didn't bleed to death. It's clear that people in the medical field need training on understanding PTSD and self-harm and empathy and how it's not OK to provide inferior medical treatment to someone with a mental illness even if (and especially if) they are in the ER for cutting etc. It's not your fault any more than it is a person who was in an auto accident. I'm sorry to hear about Cayenne. I would not want to have to make that decision either. It sucks when decisions about pets are based on financial factors but that's often the reality of the situation no matter how heartless it sounds. I am doing everything I can for Sugar Plum too and don't want to put her down unless she's in so much pain that keeping her alive is cruel. It's not an easy decision but Cayenne knows you love her no matter what happens. I hope the doula responds and gets you the money soon. She's probably hoping you just let it go and don't try to collect it from her knowing you have a lot to deal with. It's sad if that is the case.
ReplyDeleteI will be mailing the doula a registered letter tomorrow, telling her I expect to receive my refund within ten days and if not, I will be contacting the Better Business Bureau and Birth Arts International (who certified her as a doula).
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