Sometimes I Hate Night

I hate night a lot lately, actually.

I cope with the pain pretty well during the day, for the most part.  I hurt, but I can deal with it.  I can ignore it.  I can distract myself.

At night, I can't.  It's hard to sleep because of the pain, but I'm tired, I can't keep myself busy and distracted from the pain all night.

And then that pain, that unrelenting pain, triggers memories of being in the emergency room and of my childhood, and it's hard to cope with those memories at night when I'm tired and in pain.

And it's lonely.  I think of all the people I know, think of calling someone, and think of all the reasons I shouldn't bother them.  Plus, I don't know what I'd say if I did call someone.  They'd ask what they could do, how they could help, and I don't know.  I don't know what I want or what I need.

And the night seems so long like that.