Monday, February 23, 2015

Feeling Depressed

I have been feeling pretty depressed the last few days.  I dunno why.

I feel lonely.  Last night I was thinking, Isaac is such a good companion, he's a really good friend, but... well, sometimes I wish I had someone to talk to.  Because talking to myself in my head, or here on my blog, I mean.  I was thinking about it, and in the last time I had a conversation with someone, beyond the hello/how are you/it sure is cold out/thank you/goodbye kind of conversation with the checkout person at the grocery store was over a week ago, I think.  I had lunch at Subway with a friend.  Today I saw my massage therapist and we talked about the weather and that was the longest conversation since the lunch at Subway over a week ago.

I was supposed to get together with a friend yesterday.  We'd planned it two weeks ago.  Then she backed out of the plans.  So I called another friend and asked if he wanted to go for a walk with me and Isaac.  He said yes but he was busy, he would call me back in half an hour.  He didn't.  Well, he did call, but not in half an hour.  After 50 minutes, I decided Isaac and I were going to the park by ourselves.  He called a little while after we'd gotten there and were already hiking.

So I spent the day along.  Well, with Isaac.  I love Isaac.  He's a good listener.  But sometimes I would like to have a conversation with someone that talks back.  Just sometimes.

So I feel lonely.  And depressed.  I am doing all the things I know to do to deal with it.  I went to the park with Isaac yesterday even though no one was available to go with me.  We walked for almost an hour.  Later that night, we took another walk down the road, about 20 minutes.  I came home, took a long hot bath.  Lit some incense.  Today I had an appointment with my massage therapist, so I had a massage.  Nice nurturing stuff that is supposed to make me feel better.

But I don't, not much.  I feel lonely and depressed.

I cleaned my kitchen.  Worked on some training with Isaac.  Doing something, anything, sometimes helps.  It's better than sitting on the couch thinking about how lonely and depressed I am.

But I still don't feel much better.

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