Tomorrow, I am getting two tattoos.
I feel like I need to explain why I am choosing to spend money on getting tattoos when I am on such a limited budget, and I hate that I feel that way, because why shouldn't I be able to spend my money on whatever I want to spend it on? Well, I can. And I will. And I don't owe anyone an explanation.
And yet... I think this is a common feeling, when you are poor. People question what you have in your grocery cart when you are paying for your groceries with food stamps. There is a feeling of needing to justify one's decisions, one's choices. And I don't think people with plenty of money have that. At least not this much.
So I am trying to resist the urge to justify my choice.
I want to talk about the tattoos, though, and why I want them. I just don't want to justify the expense.
I have chosen to get two tattoos. I have thought about them for a long time, wanting to make absolutely sure of my decision. And I have settled on these.
The first will be a cat on my left forearm. This tattoo will represent my cat Eileen, who died about eight-and-a-half years ago. Eileen, I have said, is my soul mate. I started to change the "is" in that sentence to "was," but even though she's gone, I still feel that way about her. Eileen loved me unconditionally. I think that was the first time in my life I ever experienced unconditional love. So this tattoo will not only represent Eileen, it will represent that unconditional love. It will remind me of that unconditional love every time I see it.
It is going on my left forearm because in the past, I have cut myself often on my forearms, especially the left one (just because I am right-handed). I really want to be reminded of that unconditional love in that spot on my body. And I will not cut in that spot anymore, because I will not cut that tattoo (not that I am planning on cutting anyway, haven't done that in a long time, but I guess you never know).
The second tattoo will be Isaac's paw print over my heart. Above the paw print will be the words "because you showed me the light" and below the paw print will be the words "and the light was beautiful." If it's not obvious, this will represent what Isaac has meant to me, to my life. And it will be a reminder of that, even when Isaac is not with me. I hope to carry his love, his joy, his enthusiasm, his energy, his love of life, with me always.
These are important things for me. Meaningful things. Things I hope to be healing.
I will be posting pics in a day or two, of course.
And yes, Isaac will be going with me when I go to get the tattoo. If you are wondering, service dogs are allowed in tattoo shops.