Sunday, June 8, 2014

Coping with Fatigue

Lately, I've seemed to have a bit more energy than usual.  And I've been enjoying it.  A lot.  I figure it must be a combination of sleeping better with my red lights, the increase in both my Cymbalta and gabapentin, and maybe getting more exercise since Isaac and I have been going for long walks every day.  My energy level has still been lower than what most other people seem to experience, but it's been an improvement for me, and I've been enjoying it.

Today, I crashed.

I guess that's not surprising.  It's just disappointing.  And frustrating.

Isaac woke me at 7:00 am and I took him out.  I fed him.  And I went back to bed.  I was exhausted still.

I woke up again at 10:30.  Took Isaac out again.  Summoned up all my strength and made myself a protein shake.  Sat on the couch for a little while.  Summoned up all my strength and coaxed Cayenne out from under the couch, where she's been spending most of her time the last two days (I think she is feeling unwell and I am worried about her), and gave her some stinky turkey baby food and her medication.  And went back to bed.

Got up again about 1:30.  Took Isaac out, ate a protein bar, called the pharmacy to refill a prescription.  Thought about doing some laundry.  Decided against it.  Went back to bed.

And that's how the day went.  Sleep a couple hours, wake up, take the dog out, eat something if I could find the energy.  Sit on the couch, struggling to stay awake for a bit.  Give up and go back to sleep.  Repeat.

All I've accomplished today, besides taking Isaac out to pee and feeding myself occasionally, is coaxing Cayenne out to feed and medicate her, calling in a script, and proofreading and submitting an article I finished writing yesterday.  That's it.  And now it's 9:30 pm and I'm exhausted.

I'm trying not to be too frustrated.  I'm so tired, it's hard to have strong emotions about anything.  Everything feels blunted, dull. 

I feel a bit guilty about paying so little attention to Isaac.  Oh, in addition to taking him out, I did play one round of Find the Hotdogs with him.  But still.  It was rainy this morning but nice this afternoon and evening, and he would have loved a walk.  Every time I woke up, he jumped to her feet, looking at me with hopeful eyes.  But I did not have the energy.  Yesterday morning, he went for a 60-minute run and yesterday afternoon, I took him to the lake to swim.  So he got lots of activity yesterday.  And he gets to go for a run tomorrow morning.  One boring, sleepy day won't hurt him.  But I still feel a bit bad.

I have a lot to do tomorrow.  Isaac and I are volunteering at the nursing home.  I have to get my neighbor and his son to carry my old couch out to the dumpster, because my new couch is coming Tuesday.  That means I'll need to move some stuff around, like my coffee table and end table, and I'll need to vacuum where the couch was.  I need to go pick up the prescription I called in today.  Those are all things that really need to be done and I really want to do, so if I need to rest today so I can do those things tomorrow, then that's what needs to happen.  It's what's best.

But I hate it.  I feel disappointed in myself and frustrated and... and exhausted.  Time to go back to bed, I guess.

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