Urgent Care, Take Two

I went back to urgent care today.

Isaac is getting really used to that place.  Ugh.

I just wasn't feeling any better.  Actually, I was feeling worse.  When I went to urgent care on Thursday, I had a sore throat and my ears hurt.  I felt achy all over, which is typical for me because of the fibromyalgia, but it is a slightly different kind of achy along with chills when I am sick.  I was also coughing just a little.

I should have gone back yesterday, Saturday.  By Saturday  night, after six doses of oral antibiotic plus the ear drops, my ears and throat still hurt, plus I was coughing, a nasty, rattling cough, complete with icky phlegm coming up much of the time.  And when I blew my  nose, it was bloody.

Why didn't I go?  Well, being sick really triggers a lot of my anxiety and PTSD.  I talked briefly to a friend, who said he thought they probably wouldn't change the antibiotic because I hadn't been on it that long and it sounded like he thought I shouldn't go back. 

And somehow I fixated on that and started thinking I shouldn't go.  It would be a waste of money.  It would be a waste of time.  I would just be bothering the people there.  I should quit being such a baby.  I was just being lazy.  I had stuff to do.  It would be bad to go back.  I would be bad if I went back.

I knew I was sick and that the  antibiotic wasn't working.  But I felt like I had to choose between continuing to feel very ill or going to urgent care and feeling very guilty and angry at myself for doing something wrong.  I know that doesn't make sense.  I know that's not rational. But that's my disability.

And I know that's not what my friend meant.  I also know he isn't a very medical kind of person and he had no clue whether or not they would switch antibiotics.

But sometimes my mind just grabs onto something and it spirals like this and won't let go.  I used to do that a lot.  It's much better now.  I mean, it happens less often now.  Much less often.  But it's still bad when it does happen.

So I didn't go back to urgent care yesterday.

This morning, I went.  When I woke up, in addition to all the things that were wrong yesterday, I also felt like my head was going to explode.  The sinus pressure around my eyes was tremendous.  My chest also felt  heavy when I tried to take a deep breath.  I got worried.  So I went.

There was a different doctor there today.  He said I had a sinus infection but that my lungs sounded OK.  He changed the antibiotic and told me to get an OTC decongestant.

I should have gone yesterday.