Taking Care of Cayenne

Today I've done a lot of cleaning up after Cayenne. 

I have these puppy training pads all over the place, in all the spots where Cayenne likes to sometimes pee, including on the living room floor and on the couch.  The puppy pads are covered with towels because she does not like to pee on, or walk or sit on, the puppy pads.  She sleeps on the couch, and sometimes also pees on it, but since she sleeps there, sometimes I put soft pieces of fleece on top of those puppy pads instead of towels for her to sleep on.  In addition to sometimes peeing on the towels or pieces of fleece on the couch, her tumors ooze and bleed on those towels. 

I change the peed upon towels at least once a day, sometimes more.  I try to keep the towels she sleeps on fresh but I don't change them every day.  Sometimes I just refold them so she's lying on a clean side.

She's been peeing frequently on the floor right in front of the couch, and I have puppy pads and towels there, but sometimes she backs up so her butt is almost against the front of the couch and then a little pee gets on the front of the couch.  So today I scrubbed the front of the couch and hung a puppy pad so that it covers that part of the couch.

She's been throwing up today.  I hope this is not going to be a new thing.  I mean, she does throw up once in a while, but not very often.  But she threw up three times this morning, right after she ate her breakfast.  I took the rest of her food away for a few hours, then gave her back a little dry food around lunch time.  She immediately ate some and then immediately threw it up.  On the couch, of course.  So I've been cleaning up puke.

Of course, I also gave her all her medication this morning: the antibiotic pill, the anti-inflammatory liquid, and her insulin injection.  And of course, I'm sure she puked up the antibiotic and the anti-inflammatory.  I was afraid to give them to her again, though, since her stomach was upset.  I was afraid that would make her puke again.  But I'm worried that now she'll have more pain since she threw up the anti-inflammatory.

When I'm caring for Cayenne, when I'm giving her all her medication and especially when I'm cleaning up pee and puke and blood-stained towels, I feel very sad for her and I also feel an immense amount of love for her.  Yes, sometimes I get annoyed or frustrated or tired of it.  It sometimes feels endless.  Like all I do is change peed upon towels and pads and do load after load of stinky laundry.  But I never feel angry at Cayenne and I always think how glad I am that she is still here, that I have the opportunity to take care of her.  I think, some day soon she will be gone and I will be thinking how much I wish she was still here and I could clean up after her one more time.  I am mindful of that all the time.

Taking care of her also reminds me sometimes of when I used to work for a hospice many, many years ago.  When I'm changing puppy pads and cat towels, I am thankful I'm not changing bed sheets.  When I'm clean up kitty puke, I'm thankful it's not grown person puke.