Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Ready for Surgery Tomorrow

As ready as I'll get, I guess, anyway.

My kitchen is stocked with easy-to-prepare and easy-to-eat foods, including yogurt, soups, protein shake supplies, and supplies for making smoothies.  I've got my meds and lip balm and hand cream and all that good stuff on the coffee table in easy reach of the couch.  I've got my weighted blanket and anxiety meds ready to take with me.  I even cleaned up the house a bit.

The dog walker is coming to take Isaac for a run later in the afternoon after my surgery, so that's good.  If I'm not feeling well, I won't need to worry about taking him out as much.  I also have one of his favorite peanut butter-filled bones in the cupboard, so he'll have something fun to do that won't require me taking him outside or playing with him.

I feel less anxious than I felt about my oral surgery last fall.  Oh, I'm still anxious, I'm still wishing I had someone to go with me or something to be with me at home afterwards.  I do remember what a hard time I had after the surgery last fall.  The surgery itself was quick and easy but that night, alone in my apartment, I had flashbacks and anxiety attacks and nightmares and cried a lot.  I remember.  I'm hoping that won't be the case this time, but I know there is a good chance it will.

But it is what it is.  I did ask friends if anyone was available to go with me to the appointment or spend some time with me at home afterward, but I didn't expect anyone to volunteer, and no one did.  Last time I ended up feeling really sorry for myself because I had to go through all that alone, but this time I feel more... accepting of it.  It is what it is.  Sure, I wish it was different, but it's not, and maybe it never will be.

And I got through it last time.  So I can get through it this time, too, right?

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