Today is my birthday.
Yesterday I baked myself a cake. I had decided, since I would be spending my birthday alone (well, with Isaac and Cayenne, but otherwise alone), that I would make myself a cake. It was a huge baking fail.
First, I had decided I wanted a lemon cake but it is impossible to find sugar free lemon cake mix, so I bought a sugar free yellow cake mix and some lemon extract. I bought lemon frosting. When I was baking the cake, though, right after I'd added the extract, I realize I had somehow picked up orange extract, not lemon. So I thought, OK, I'd have orange cake with lemon frosting. That would probably taste OK, still, right?
Then the cake stuck to the pans. I used non-stick cake pans AND I remembered to spray them with non-stick cooking spray, but somehow they managed to stick anyway. And I mean, they stuck bad. So, OK, my cake was not going to be very pretty. It would still taste the same, right? Yeah, I guess.
It depressed me. It was a typical over-reaction, which I have sometimes due to my anxiety and depression and stuff. All I wanted for my birthday was a stupid lemon cake and that wouldn't even turn out right. I sat down on the floor and cried for a while. Isaac came over and lay beside me and insisted on a belly rub. I felt better, got up, and cut the cake up into cubes. I put some in a dish, put a spoonful of frosting on top of it, and a scoop of no sugar added vanilla ice cream on top of that, and ate it. It tasted all right.
Birthdays are hard when you're alone. I mean, I'm not totally alone, I have friends... but not a lot of close friends. And a couple of my good friends live far away. So I am here, in my apartment, alone on my birthday. I made myself a cake because no one else was going to make me one. I thought about buying myself a gift, but since I still owe the dentist $1,195 for my bridge, I decided new teeth would count as my birthday gift to myself. But no one else is giving me anything. No one has sent a birthday card. It's easy to get depressed and think no one cares that it's my birthday and it wouldn't matter if I had never been born. But I don't want to go there.