Sunday, October 20, 2013

On Sleeping Alone

I sleep alone these days and to be honest, most of the time I prefer it that way.  There is no one to hog the bed (or the couch, since that is where I sleep most of the time) or the blankets other than Cayenne, and since she weighs seven pounds, I win any tug-o-war over the blankets or any territorial dispute over couch space.  The  main reason I prefer sleeping alone, other than the fact that I just don't have any person I really want sharing my bed at the moment, at least not in an, umm, sexual way, is that I just don't sleep well.  I wake up a lot, I toss and turn, I sleep a few hours if I'm lucky and then I'm up for an hour or two.  I disturb anyone that shares my bed and I don't like to bother people when they are sleeping.  For gosh sakes, Isaac won't even sleep with me most nights because I am so restless in my sleep.  And I need the light on most nights and most other people I know prefer to sleep in the dark.  Go figure.

So most of the time, I'm happy enough sleeping alone.

The last few weeks, though, my sleep has been worse than usual.  I think it's due to all the dental problems I've been dealing with.  I've had more stress, more pain, more nightmares, my bad memories, more flashbacks, that kind of stuff. 

It is now a little after midnight and I got about an hour's restless sleep before getting up again.  I am exhausted but I can't sleep.

What I wish right now is that I had someone here with me.  I'd feel safer.  I want someone to hold me, someone that doesn't care if I am restless and keep them awake.  Someone to hold me and tell me I'm safe, to comfort me and soothe me and help me rest.  How weird is it that I'm sitting here thinking of who I might be able to call and ask to come over tomorrow and take a nap with me?  That's pretty weird, huh?

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