Something that creeps in to terrify me in the still dark of night is the thought that one day Isaac will leave me. Because no one lives forever, you know. If I am lucky, I will have Isaac for another 10 or 12 years. Maybe a little bit longer but 16 would be a good long life for a lab. Ten years simultaneously seems like a long time and like the blink of an eye.
I cannot imagine my life without Isaac. Isaac is my best friend now. How can I survive the loss of my best friend without my best friend to help me through it? And he's not only my best friend, but my only really close friend.
When my cat Eileen died, who was my best friend, long before I had Isaac, I don't know how I would have survived it without Mike. As it was, even with Mike, I barely got through it.
I depend on Isaac so much. I depend on him physically, to help me with all these daily activities, and I depend on him emotionally, too. If he was suddenly not here anymore, I would have so much more trouble with daily chores, I would have so much more pain, that would all be so stressful... and I wouldn't have him to help me cope with that stress. I would be so alone.
I try not to think about it because it scares me so much. I know one day it will happen and I hope that day is far in the future and I just don't know how I will cope with it when it comes. It's the thing that scares me more than anything right now.
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