I have an appointment with my primary care physician tomorrow to talk about my increased pain and what to do about it. I feel incredibly anxious about it. Part of the anxiety is the fear that he won't believe I'm in this much pain and won't want to do anything about it. Part of it is that I don't know what I want to do about it. I like going to the doctor with a plan. Which is maybe sort of silly, but I usually have an idea of what's wrong with me and what I want to do about it. You know, if I have a very sore throat and a fever, I want a strep test and, if it's positive, an antibiotic. Or I have a list of blood tests I want, and then if my B12 level is low, I want a script for B12 shots. But I don't know what I want now.
I spent some time looking online for pain management specialists. I read lists of treatments they offered, like epidural steroid injections and nerve blocks. I've tried those things and they provided some temporary relief but it didn't really last long enough. But also, those things aren't really options for me now because they sedate you for the procedures and you have to have someone to drive you home. For some of the procedures, you're supposed to take it easy for a day or two afterward. I don't have anyone to drive me and I can't take it any easier than I already do, because there is no one else to do things for me that need to be done.
But then I thought, if I go in there and start saying oh no, I can't do this and I can't do that, they are going to think I am being difficult and that I just want drugs. Which isn't true. I mean, I'd love a pill that made the pain go away. But I don't want to become addicted to pain meds and I also don't want meds that make me too drowsy. I can't take a pill that knocks me out all day. I have to take the dog out and feed the cat and stuff.
Most of the pain management specialists seem to require a referral from your primary care doctor, but I don't even know if I want a referral. I don't know if I want to see a pain management specialist. I don't know what I want. I just want the pain to stop.
I'm really anxious about the appointment tomorrow.